Monday, October 10, 2011

WARNING: Borrowing Or Lending Money Can Ruin Friendship!

I have been yearning to write this topic so much for a very long time. There's nothing wrong about borrowing IF you have the responsibility, financial capability and initiative to payback for what you've owed at the right date you've promised to or within the agreement day and time. Although, the latter may be negotiable, this MUST NOT be HABITUAL! (read my lips~ H A B I T U A L).

Sometimes, it is not difficult to lend money, more so, if the person is really paying on time. However, it is not always JUST the issue. Yes, you pay on time alright! Wait a second... DO YOU REALIZE.... ? If not, think again.

1. Where is s/he getting the money to lend you?

a. So, you think it's because s/he has enough money because s/he is rich or someone is supporting his/her needs... you assumed that s/he won't need it anymore, anytime that you need it? Wake up?! Money is essential to everyone! rich or poor, young or old, etc.

b. You will borrow money from unmarried/single friends or someone who has no child/ren because you think that they have no obligations, whatsoever unlike you? Who doesn't need money, these days?

c. Oh, you have a very, very super close friends and you just believed in yourself that no matter what you tell (that you need money/or lies just to borrow), s/he will understand ALWAYS because s/he cares for you. Come on! Do not ABUSE your friend because of your hidden agenda. You don't make friends so you could take advantage of them, do you? Shame on you!

d. Your friend has a stable or many part time jobs and that gives you a hint to borrow INSTANT money like an ATM! Again.... SHAME ON YOU!

2. Did you atleast double check if she is willing to lend you or forced because of your "FRIENDSHIP"?

In some cases, people who are forced to lend money in the name of friendship are those who knew that they are being abused because it becomes "habitual"; know that the person is not actually in NEED but used alibis (lies) to support his/her vices (drugs, shopaholic, discoholic, womanizing/manoholic, gambling,etc.); doesn't want to let his/her "friend" down (try to please); know that payment will be delayed (way too much!); know that the person has just payed but will lend again and again (it's a cycle); always have a money problem everytime, if not everyday... THESE ARE NOTHING but "LAME EXCUSES"

3. How much trouble are you creating for borrowing money from a friend?

a. it can destroy your friendship (if not paid the exact money on time and if you do it frequently)

b. s/he will definitely lose control of the budget because you borrowed the money intended for something else which may be important to her/him.

c. you're problem about money, eventually becomes his/her PROBLEM (whew!)

d. what if s/he doesn't really have enough money to lend you but because you made her/him believe that you NEED the money for so and so... Now, s/he was forced to borrow money from anyone just to help (bail) you out.

e. what if s/he needs the money on time and you couldn't pay for it? wouldn't you be ashamed of it?

I am not saying that borrowing or lending money is bad. I am not saying either that we should not borrow or lend money when we need it the most. What I am trying to point out is that... Friendship should not be treated like it is convenient to burden your friend about your money problem. We should all be responsible on our monthly financial obligations and priority. Living within the means is absolutely the way of life. Managing our financial matters on weekly, monthly or yearly basis won't be that easy but atleast, we could have tried... Find ways to get more money, work hard.. do something productive..  try not to be someone else's BURDEN. 

Friendship is not about money or material things. Although, friendship is about SHARING we should remember that it works both ways, not a "one way street". Abusing your friend because you knew s/he is generous not to say "NO" to you is also WRONG!

In case of emergency, a true friend can be of help.. most importantly when it is between LIFE and DEATH situation.

What about these reasons?

1. I need 3k baht for my condo's advance and deposit fee, I will pay on next pay day, (next month)

take note:borrowed the money 1st week of the month and the salary will be the 30th of next month which will be delayed 2-3 days, as usual. The person has already transferred 15 days ago or less, how come this person was able to move in without the deposit/advance payment. In the first place, why is this person too brave to move without enough money? (Lame excuse!)

2. I need money again, my brother's girlfriend got a caesarian operation.

Duh! Is this LIFE and DEATH situation? I don't think so! The brother and the girlfriend must have saved money for that... They have 9 months (more or less) to prepare for the money. Getting pregnant doesn't happen in just wink of an eye! They should've known better.

3. I have a favor, can I borrow money from you because I need it, badly...

Then, the next days will shock you... This person is having a good time with other friends clubbing, partying anywhere and you can see the new clothes, shoes, accessories and new hairstyle... As if, this person has no problem about money or anything. But, when s/he called for help, s/he will always remember to call you first (does it ring a bell?). This person only remembers you when "money problem" arises (tsk,tsk,tsk!)

4. The person will call you and say... "Huhuhu, I have a big problem, my pseudo bf didn't call or SMS me back. I'm sick now because of that and my work place is so terrible, the salary is delayed again.. and now I'm in the hospital by myself.." Can you lend me money please?

Why in the first place did she admit herself in the private hospital without enough money? This is too petty, but come to think of it... She won't allow you to visit her (I don't see any reason why?) or maybe she was lying. I'm afraid this person, whenever she gets sick... She remembers me! She remembers to borrow money from me! (oh my!)

5. Can you do me a favor? (I'm getting nervous on the next sentences after this) ...Can you let me borrow 2k baht? I'm totally broke right now. (And how the heck is it my fault?)

It was 16th of the month! A day after the pay day (gosh!) Where is s/he taking his/her money? It's not bad celebrating and enjoying your singleness but please do not bother other people just because of luxuries you cannot afford/sustain. Be financially responsible for yourself! (Argh! Pathetic excuse)

5. I need money, bro. I wanna buy LCD TV or the famous Sony Internet TV, can I borrow money?

Whoa! Really? Have you ever asked yourself if the person has got one at home?! You're really borrowing money for that because you think it is a "need"? Don't you think it's a little annoying, rude and selfish thinking only yourself? Be sensitive and GROW UP!

As much as possible, refrain from borrowing or lending money to a friend so as to preserve your friendship. Furthermore, both of you will have self respect and concern for one another when you put yourself into his/her own shoes. 

Lending money is a generous act but not too much, or too often, for people will abuse your generosity. Borrowing money shows humility but it can be the other way around when time flies. And so the friendship ends too soon...

If friendship matters to you.. try to consider these;

- don’t always ask the same person on money (that is too annoying!)

- don’t ask for large amounts of money that you knew you couldn't afford
to pay back in FULL (you may end up in court or you may lose a friend or both)

- don't remember your friend just because you're in need of money

- don't treat your friend as ATM (that you can borrow any day any time, any place for whatever reasons you may have)

- don't tell lies just to give in to luxuries of your life by borrowing money

- be sincere and keep your promise to pay your debt on time (it matters a lot!) or atleast update/communicate openly if you cannot be able to fulfill your promise

- remember to thank your friend after receiving the money and/or when you have the money to pay for it. This is humility.

- make an initiative to pay your debt and don't wait for your friend to remind you of it.

- if your friend may not be able to lend you, don't get angry, gossip about her/him because s/he has the right not to save. S/he has the right to refuse. S/he does not actually have to explain why. We have to be financially responsible once we became adults.

If you can't help but lend money to your friend, consider these:

- since you've helped him/her all the time, anytime.. don't be surprised if s/he will borrow the next time, until you get tired of doing it.

- do you know that by lending him/her money anytime, you only encourage the person to depend on you. S/he may take advantage of his/her other friends because s/he could fool and/or use you.

- it's difficult sometimes to say "no, you can't" but if you try atleast, s/he will realize that it's not always okay to borrow money from you.

- when you can't lend money to your friend, beware not to hurt his/her feelings or ego. You can say it in a nice way without being rude or mean.

- learn to examine your friend if s/he has initiative to pay money on time so that you won't be harassed when you need the money at the right time. If s/he can't keep her/his promise all the time, that is code red that s/he will do it again and again.

- remember that lending money to a friend is actually taking a "big risk" of either not getting the money back (in full and on time) or/and could lead to ruining your good friendship.

- we should not feel guilty if we cannot lend money to our friends, we don't have money all the time and even if we do... we ourselves have got our own financial priorities. 


Daffobelle said...

haha, true, sad, funny...I have mixed thoughts and feelings about this write-up! This has happened to me several times, not because I'm a fool but I just get easily fall for their alibis :(
P.S. not only friendship but all kinds of relationship...i.e family, relatives...:)

Elektra said...

ehem! I was once guilty but I must admit it's not easy to be in either situation. Yes, I know not only friendship but other relationships as well. I highlighted "friendship" because when our family or relatives need our help in terms of money... we do understand them and we could easily forgive them. Still, blood is thicker than water. Thanks for the comment! :)

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