It has been years, since I lived here in Bangkok. As I was looking back how I went through... Specially, how I got here for the first time. I laughed at myself so much.
My mind traveled backwards, where I was still in Manila working as a Customer Support Professional at Stream Global. Those were happy, routinary tasks. But, I did enjoy my job. It was important because I could earn a decent living and be able to support my eldest daughter, that time. I loved my job because I felt good (the best among my past jobs).
In fact, if not for my loving better half, I wouldn't be here right where I am now! I would still probably working as what I was. He made me choose over my career and living with him. Of course, he is important to me so obviously, the latter was my answer. I have no regrets about my choice. It's just that I wanted to live with my two daughters and him. That is my dream. I believe that there are no mothers who could afford to forget or neglect any of her children.
Looking back still.. I was thinking on how we began to make friends, became close and morethan friends up to the time I have decided to follow him here where he lives. I just thought that I was braved with what I have done. I have faith and trusted in God that my decision will lead me to happiness on my personal life. Then, I have faith in myself and most of all... I have faith in him that he will take good care of me.
Why was I reminiscing? I did mention on my previous post that past is past and we have to look forward. However, I can only say that we won't be guided accordingly if we do not review or look back those things that happened before so we could assess ourslves if we achieved or will achieve the outcome that we want in life. It is difficult to look forward if we don't learn from our mistakes, too. We might end up repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Life is a cycle and so our attitudes.
I am assessing myself and I must say... I failed to do something for my better half while he's striving to do the best that he can. I may just giving him so much credits because I love him, but this is what I feel. He may not know that I feel guilty at times when I couldn't do some things for him. Like, the household chores. Have I changed drastically? Maybe changes in weight (silly grin)... But, I feel not.
In times like this, I feel something different. I have hurt his feelings many times but I was unaware, deaf or insensitive. It isn't my intention to hurt him. NO! But, why is this happening? I was reading our first emails and touched by our sincerest hi and hello. Each word was so meaningful and as I kept on reading them all... It reminds me of my intense feelings for him before. It hasn't change that much. I began to know him more and more... He was and is still the guy that I chose to love now and then. There are challenges in our relationship and I believe that it is normal. Every relationship has problems, joys and everything... That is LIFE!
I was looking back to improve myself so I could be someone worthy of his love. By doing so, I realized that I made mistakes and things that aren't good for us. I don't wanna lose him because he is someone special. I wish I could do something to make up for my shortcomings. Praying hard to make him happy again like my first day in Bangkok. He was happy to meet and pick me up at the Suvarnabhumi airport. Today, is my anniversary of living here in Thailand.
I guess I have to cut back on my food intake as my weight is telling me I am no longer in shape and I don't want to be called over weight... Guess what??? I AM OVER WEIGHT!!! Awww.. I have to do something about this and other things that may ruin our relationship. It is good to realize it earlier...before it's too late! Mission Impossible: Bring me back in shape and youthful glow like this 2009 pic!!! :D